Hey Reader,

I had so many ideas when I set out to write this newsletter.

And then, all of a sudden, I felt stuck.

Maybe it was too much espresso. Maybe the coffee shop is too loud. Maybe it's a clarity issue. Maybe, just maybe, I'm unconsciously committed to being stuck.

It's probably a combination, but let's focus on that unconscious commitment idea.

I see this play out with client after client. They tell me what they want. They are pretty dang clear. And then crickets.

They just can't seem to make it happen. They procrastinate. They fall into old patterns. They make excuses and justifications.

I get it. I get stuck too.

And I think it's all about unconscious commitments-- a concept from Dr. Gay Hendricks.

Essentially, the idea is that our every day outcomes are the result of our unconscious programming. Over 85% of our behavior is unconscious, so if you are creating something, even if you don't want it, I'm going to challenge you to consider that your unconscious is driving you towards that result.

Read on for a practice to uncover your unconscious commitments.

XO

Tamra

SOMATIC TIP FOR BUSINESS:

don't make assumptions, be curious

I've been talking feedback and performance management with a lot of my leaders lately. Woo buddy. Y'all be in it.

And there's a step I see all my leaders missing.

Curiosity.

Before you ever go into a feedback conversation (come on y'all, we've talked about this a million times), you need to ask yourself,

What do I not know about this situation? What other perspectives are out there?

If you can't be curious, you shouldn't give feedback. Because feedback isn't about being right. You need to be able to step outside of yourself and take in the bigger picture.

There's always information you don't have.

If you're going to have an assumption--make it the most generous interpretation possible.

Everyone is doing their best.

Remember, if you're stuck in blame or in being right...you're probably a bit dysregulated--your nervous system is grasping for safety. Take care of yourself first. Go for a walk. Practice your 3-5 breath. Then come back to the situation. You might realize feedback wasn't necessary at all.

Need to review the feedback framework? Download it again here.

Somatic tip for life: ​
– you're creating what you're committed to...

This is what's getting in the way of creating what you really want--your unconscious commitments.

We've all got them. Truly, they run the show. If you're ready to shift these unconscious patterns of behavior, start here.

Complain. To a friend if you want to do this practice together OR journal it out.

Now bottom-line it to one sentence.

Now let's have some fun.

Add, "I hate...." to the beginning of that sentence. Say your sentence out loud at least three times. Let it settle into your body.

Now change the sentence to "I create..." Say it out loud. (You see what we're doing here.)

One final edit. Put "I am committed to..." at the beginning of that sentence. Say it out loud. (You probably feel a full body FUCK OFF!, that's how you know you've gotten it.

But it also feels true, and you're thinking why in the world am I committed to this?!

Your sentence should look something like, "I'm committed to hating my job. I'm committed to being broke. I'm committed to being single."

Let this commitment settle into your body. This is what's keeping you stuck. THIS is what is creating your experience.

Do you want to shift it? Tune in next week for how to turn your complaints into conscious commitments.

For now, see if you can find some compassion and appreciation for how this commitment has kept you safe or protected you. If you want to change the unconscious patterns that flow from this commitment, you have to do it with love.

If you're really into this work, check out Dr. Gay Hendrick's book, The Big Leap.​

"If you woke up and felt joy today, don't resist it."

— me, i said that

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